my least favorite holiday

is coming up.

I dread it from the moment the stores start selling the crap.

Oddly, it is one of my husband’s and stepson’s favorite holidays.

How did we end up together? LOL

A year doesn’t go by that my hubby doesn’t dress up for Halloween.

Not only do we buy my stepson a costume, but my husband too. And me too because I feel guilty standing in the store with both of them looking at me with complete shock as I am telling them again I am not going to wear a costume. No really I am not. No I am not. Okay fine, pick me one out and I’ll not wear it again this year.

Uhg.

I hate Halloween.

I hate being scared. I hate being scared. I hate being scared. I hate being scared.

I hate little creepy crawly things. I hate monsters. I hate make-up {Halloween and not}. I hate dressing up. I hate scary movies. I hate that we spend a minimum of $30 on a costume that will be worn for maybe an hour. I hate that we put up spiderwebs and spiders over our doorways. I hate that we spend money to go to Haunted  Houses.

Who pays to be scared?

Why don’t we all just go home, I’ll just not shower for a day or two and forget to wash off my make-up from work and I can yell and scream and throw things at you, maybe pull out the chainsaw and chase you around the house, then we can all go to bed happy. Call it a day.

Or why don’t I just not clean my house for a couple of months and then charge people $20 to come walk through it? I will even pull out all the leftovers that have been rotting in my fridge and call it decorations.

Seriously people WTF?

I don’t get it.

This year is the first year I finally admitted to my husband that I wanted to stay home and hand out candy to all the trick-or-treaters.

I know.

GASP!

That conversation didn’t go over so well.

Even my niece can’t believe I don’t want to go. And she doesn’t want to be anything “scary”.

Why don’t we spend hours getting costumes on, then off to go to the bathroom, then on again, then get a grocery bag (or spend $15 for a cool bag), walk around the neighborhood visiting neighbors I don’t want to talk to in the daylight let alone at night, taking candy that I can’t really eat because I am on a diet from COMPLETE STRANGERS and then go home and start the endless “No honey just ONE piece of candy a day. No really just one. No two small pieces don’t count as one. I don’t care if your father took the biggest and best pieces of candy.”Oh yeah, I can see why people love this holiday.

So guilt gives in and I tell my husband -

“I have been thinking about decorating the house for Halloween. I am thinking some of those light up skeleton things that come out of the ground; some cobweb stuff over the door and some big spiders in it. Maybe something else to go with it. Do you think you can decorate the house like that?”

Husband – “What? I thought you said you wanted to decorate the house?”

Me – “No I said, I have been THINKING about decorating the house. I don’t want to decorate it. I want you to decorate it.”

Husband – “Okay, how do you want me to decorate it?”

Me -”Never mind. I will handle it.”