pain management

Tomorrow I go see my new doctor. A pain management specialist. A doctor that I hope will help with the pain between my ears and back of my head, neck and shoulders.

Got the new patient packet in the mail the other day. I had to fill out pages of paperwork that overwhelmed me. Not to mention scared the hell out of me.

I signed page after page about the use of drugs. Pages upon pages about whether or not I have ever abused drugs, not to sell my drugs to anyone, to keep my drugs away from children. Pages of signatures about my past history of prescription medication, alcohol and illegal drugs. Pages of questions on who my emergency contacts were and in case of necessity, a list of people who would be called in for a conference (ie: intervention). A legal and binding page that states they can call any police, lawyer or other legal person to report their findings about me.

Made me wonder, more than a few times what I was getting myself into.

Apparently, a pain management doctor can perscribe anything, including opiums. Quite frankly, I don’t like drugs. I don’t like to feel like I depend on anything. I rarely ever finish my perscriptions. I get tired of taking them. I get tired of feeling like I need them. Once I feel better, I choose to stop taking it. But I also signed a page that said I would adhere to the doctor’s guidelines and “not doctor myself” by stopping (or upping) the medication on my own.

They had a page for just about ever messed up situation that could (and probably does) occur.

Given my current marrital situation, or lack thereof, I also had to identify my emergency contact. It gave me great pause. Do I list my husband who I don’t live with anymore, but am still married to? Do I list my parents, even though I am 29 years old. Who do I have as an emergency contact? Deeply upsetting. Yet, oh so familiar.

I hope that treating the pain I have been having for months and months now will help get me started in my quest for a better life; a more fulfilling life. My life has been on hold for way too long.

It would be nice to go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to kick ass. Instead of achy and lacking the much needed sleep I didn’t get because I couldn’t get comfortable. It would be nice to put on my clothes, sit at my desk and do the normal things without pain.

I also realize that this will be a daily maintenence for the rest of my life. I will always have to maintain the level of activity and continuing physical therapy forever. TMJ doesn’t have a cure. It doesn’t ever really go away. It just sits dormant and waits for the time I help a friend push a car or lift a couch or have a week filled with way too much stress. And then it pops up and if I am not paying attention to it, it crushes me.

I will always have a click and pop in my jaw when I eat or when I yawn or kiss. I will always wear a mouth guard to bed – ever so sexy. I will always need to massage my jaw muscles and those around my ears. But if I do keep up with it, I will forget I even have it. I will live a normal, pain free life.

Well, as normal as I will ever be.

And normal (my level anyway) is good.